UK man jailed after drunkenly trying to have sex with a pile of leaves

funny shit 01/11/2019

We all have that one mate who tries to pull on a night out at all costs. This guy clearly had no luck on his endeavours, so he decided to settle for a cheeky smash with... a pile of leaves. Hey, whatever you're into mate. 

26-year-old Michael Golsorkhi was jailed after being seen drunkenly attempting to have sex with a pile of leaves in the carpark of a Premier Inn hotel.

According to the Manchester Evening News, Golsorkhi was in full view of families eating at a local pub when he was seen "thrusting" into the leaves with his pants down. 

When confronted by hotel staff members he reportedly ran away to hide in the bushes. 

A staff member told local news media they noticed him "acting suspiciously" in the hotel carpark. 

"We saw a white male with his trousers down and we could see his bum. There was nothing between me and this male, he was about a car length away from me and he appeared to be having sex," the staff member recounted. 

"At one stage I shouted to him 'what are you doing, you dirty bastard?' and he then leapt up, pulled his trousers up and sat in the bushes." Those poor, poor bushes. 

Golsorkhi's defence lawyer told the courts it was a combination of cannabis and alcohol that got him "into some sort of state". 

"The staff from the hotel did ask if he was all right, but he was in quite a terrible state. He has no recollection of the behaviour described,"

"Unsurprisingly, this is relating to some information that he took drugs ranging from cocaine to cannabis and alcohol,"

The lawyer said Golsorkhi was "mortified". 

"Only when piecing together the information, was he accepting of the state of events, he cannot explain his behaviour. He is entirely embarrassed about that,"

"As a result of embarrassment he has no desire to return to the Premier Inn."

Golsorkhi has been jailed for eight weeks. Hopefully he doesn't find any other inanimate objects to bang in jail... at least they don't have leaves inside.