NSFW CosmoSexTips is the most ridiculous Instagram account ever

Music 24/11/2014

I'm sure most of you have sneakily picked up a Cosmo magazine (yes, I'm including the boys) and ripped open that "secret" sex section only to find it's fill of stupid sex suggestions, such as working out ways to bring Tabasco into foreplay.

@cosmosextips is the latest in a long line of jesters to ridicule the techniques so carefully illustrated in the magazine. Read the ridiculous scenarios one could use to spice up their sex life.





Baby Love: Start breast pumping in secret until your tits naturally start lactating. Meanwhile, take every opportunity you have to emasculate your man. Make fun of him in front of his coworkers, criticize him in front of his family, embarrass him in public. Stop having sex with him completely for at least a month. Then, when he's practically a shell of his former self, seduce him unexpectedly! Just as he's about to climax, make him pull out and punch him as hard as you can in the dick. When he starts to tear up, squirt breast milk in his eyes and scream, "What do you want? Your mommy?!" Then immediately start cradling him and encourage him to breast feed until he feels safe again. Repeat this move two or three times and he will NEVER leave your side! #CosmoSexTip

A photo posted by Cosmo Sex Tips (@cosmosextips) on Nov 11, 2014 at 8:02pm PST



The Switcheroo: All men love having their prostate tickled, but you shouldn't have to get your hands dirty if you don't want to! Blindfold your man and handcuff him to the bed, face down. Sensually massage him and kiss all the way down his back until you reach his backdoor 39๐Ÿ˜‰. Say you have to grab some ice and excuse yourself momentarily. Once you've left the room, send your gay BFF in to finish the job! Your man will love the expertise and attention to detail a gay touch provides. When your man's about to come, run back into the room and rip off his blindfold so he can see he's in a surprise threesome! After he's blown his load, have your gay BFF give him a tender kiss and whisper, "Your secret's safe with us." #CosmoSexTip

A photo posted by Cosmo Sex Tips (@cosmosextips) on Nov 11, 2014 at 2:51pm PST