Once you surpass a certain age, birthdays are a weird time.
People stop buying you presents. Or if they do bother, it’s probably just some socks and underwear.
As much as we like new socks and undies… the present thrills of childhood have long since faded once you get tighty whities and only tighty whities for a fifth year in a row.
Nobody's losing their minds over a Nintendo 64 no more...
Plus what about this expectation for you to throw your own party and PAY for your mates shit, or put it on a tab and provide them with nibbles?
I’m sorry. Wut kind of crazy world do we live in?
It got us thinking...
Birthdays are shit. We don’t get enough presents.
So where can we get free stuff?
Without further ado, the complete guide of where to cop free shit on your birthday:
Mexicali Fresh - Free Burrito or other menu item on your birthday for members of the Cabana Club
Denny's - Buy one Get One Free Main Meal on your birthday, when dining with a paying guest (Save up to $29.80)
Muffin Break - Free Muffin for members of the Muffin Break Club
Burger Wisconsin - Buy One Get One Free Burger
Subway - Free Cookie and 600ml Coke/750ml Pump on any sub/salad/wrap purchase (SubCard required)
Valentines - Eat Free on your birthday, when accompanied by three paying adult guests
Columbus Coffee - Receive a free coffee on your birthday for you and a friend for members of Columbus Rewards
Esquires Coffee - Receive a free small beverage for members of Esquires eClub
The Cheesecake Shop - Free $5 Voucher (signup required)
Gengy's - Dine for $1 on your birthday when accompanied by three adult guests paying full price
Jamaica Blue - AKL/WLG/CHC Free Slice of Cake for members of the Caribbean Crew
Cobb & Co - Free Main Meal (Free Main Meal and Dessert for children, Free Two Course Meal for Senior Citizens), when accompanied by three paying adult guests and dining at a participating Cobb & Co location seven days either side of your actual birthday
Burger Fuel - Free Burger on Your Birthday
For Aucklanders, the first thing you need to do is text 4664 with your email address and the code word for each establishment mentioned below (it's usually the venue name, or something similar). They're all managed by the EftPlus rewards system. You can get over $200 worth of booze and food... and that's not even including the initial sign-up rewards. Birthday pub crawl anybody?
Longroom (longpoints.eftplus.co.nz) - $50 voucher
Chapel Bar & Bistro (chapel.eftplus.co.nz) - $30 voucher
Fort Street Union (union.eftplus.co.nz)- $30 voucher
Freeman & Gray (freemangrey.eftplus.co.nz) - $30 voucher
La Zeppa (lazeppa.eftplus.co.nz) - $10 voucher
Britomart Hospitality Group (includes BCC, Racket, Orleans, 1885) (fwb.eftplus.co.nz) - 2 Free Drinks
Stafford Road Wine Bar (stafford.eftplus.co.nz) - Free Drink
Gina's Italian Restaurant (ginas.eftplus.co.nz) Free bottle of house wine
Then when you need a munch to sober up and power through:
Tom Tom (tomtom.eftplus.co.nz) - Free complimentary lunch
Mission Bay Cafe (missionbaycafe.eftplus.co.nz) - Free complimentary lunch or dinner
Little India (littleindia.eftplus.co.nz) - $20 voucher
Seafood Central (seafoodcentral.eftplus.co.nz) - $20 voucher
Crave Collective (cravecafe.eftplus.co.nz) - Free coffee
Fox Quarters (foxglove.eftplus.co.nz) - Free sharing board for you and 3 friends
Montrose Cafe, Bistro & Bar (montrose.eftplus.co.nz) - Free entree and main meal
Other free stuff (you can't eat or drink) on your birthday in Auckland:
Parisian Clinic - Auckland Free Treatments on your birthday, when accompanied by three paying friends
Auckland Adventure - Jet Free Jet Boat Ride on your birthday, when accompanied by a full paying adult
Optihealth - Auckland Free One Hour Massage Treatment on your birthday (conditions apply)
Gloputt - Auckland Play for Free on your birthday (conditions apply) (make sure you take a big doob or some kind of psychedelic to really make the most of this)
Kelly Tarton's - Auckland Free Entry on your birthday
Thistle Inn - Wellington Free Main Meal on your birthday, when accompanied by three paying adult guests
Foxglove Bar - Wellington Free Sharing Platter on your birthday for members of Fox Quarters
Mama Brown - Wellington Buy One Get One Free Main Meal and Drink on your birthday, when dining with a paying guest
Funicular - Wellington Receive a free coffee on your birthday for Funicular Loyalty Cardholders
Electric Avenue - Wellington Free $25 voucher on your birthday, when accompanied by two paying guests for dinner for members of the Hoff Group VIP Club
Five Stags - Wellington Free $25 voucher on your birthday, when accompanied by two paying guests for dinner for members of the Hoff Group VIP Club
Four Kings - Wellington Free $25 voucher on your birthday, when accompanied by two paying guests for dinner for members of the Hoff Group VIP Club
Dirty Little Secret - Wellington Free $25 voucher on your birthday, when accompanied by two paying guests for dinner for members of the Hoff Group VIP Club
Dakota Bar - Wellington Free $25 voucher on your birthday, when accompanied by two paying guests for dinner for members of the Hoff Group VIP Club
The Greenman Pub - Wellington Free voucher on your birthday for members of the Greenman VIP Club
Habitual Fix - Auckland/Wellington Free Smoothie for members of Habitual Fix Addicts
You're welcome guys.