This one word will diffuse a nasty argument with your significant other

relationships 24/07/2017

If you've ever had a relationship, chances are it wasn't all just sex, pizza and Disney movie happiness. 

We all have arguments with the people we love, and the arguments with your partner tend to get a whole lot more emotionally-charged than arguments with anyone else. Seen as you have "emotions" and "feelings" for them and stuff. Seems sound. Yeah?

But what if told you there's one word that's reportedly magic at de-escalating the crazy, almost instantaneously... AND it'll better your chances of scoring apology BJs or back rubs afterward.  

Hal Runkel, a relationship and family therapist shared with Business Insider the best ways - and the singular word - to diffuse heated fights in relationships. 

So, what's this magic word?

Drum roll pleaaase...



Here's a short excerpt from the Business Insider on why Runkel reckons "Ouch" is the golden safe word: 

“When [you’re] in conflict, inevitably [you] will say something that hurts the other person using the ‘inside information’ that you have on them or that they have on you,” Runkel said.

At that moment, Runkel said, “Everything in you wants to scream something right back at them: ‘Oh yeah? Well, you’re starting to look like your mother!’”

Here’s where the word “ouch” comes in handy. Runkel explained that the best response in this situation is simply, “Ouch. That one hurt. I don’t know if you were meaning to hurt me; I don’t know if that’s what you were going for; but that’s what you did.”

Your partner may get defensive and say something back like, “You’ve said some pretty hurtful things to me!”

Now here’s your line: “You’re right. I have, and I hate that I have.”

“That conversation — which was a very familiar path, that fight — is now a totally different path because one of you chose to actually get vulnerable,” Runkel said. 

“It wasn’t a step of pushing [your partner] away. It was a step of inviting [your partner] in by saying: You know what? I am open enough to you that you can actually hurt me. So now how about we talk to each other as if we actually love each other?”

So, next time the BF, GF, fiance, wifey, hubby or "thing" says something hurtful in an argument, instead of telling them to shove it where the sun don't shine, yelling some mildly offensive expletives or dredging up something that annoyed you last week but you didn't bother mentioning, until now when you're in full RAGE mode... maybe just try a vulnerable "ouch"?

See how that goes for you? 

Roisin Kelly
(Ro the web girl)