Does anybody want this piece of shit car?

Hi. I’m Roisin, the George FM web girl. And I love my car.

However, with a heavy heart, I realise it’s time we parted ways.

It’s a beautiful 1993 Honda City that I bought about a year and a half ago from a 16-year-old boy racer, who was upgrading.

And by beautiful, I don’t mean how you describe a really hot girl on Instagram. I mean beautiful like when you meet someone kinda funny, sort of cute, and a little bit rough around the edges, so you tell them they have “a beautiful personality.”

Like a French Bulldog. Or Rebel Wilson.

One time my naked, Italian neighbour told me: “your car is like the mechanical version of you.”

And I feel like that’s very true.

So, naturally, I have a very deep bond with this car.

Unfortunately, my mechanic has told me it’s unwarrantable. As in, I’d probably have to pay for the car twice, maybe even three times over, before it could be road worthy.

Plus the friends I know who can suss me a cheeky warrant on the sly have also told me they don’t want to because they’re worried I might die if I keep driving this car on the roads.

The warrant is due in a few days. And I’m scared about the impending fines coming
my way. I have enough of those already…

Plus safety and stuff.

So, it’s time for him to go.

The thing is... I love my car so much, it makes me really sad thinking he could end up at the wreckers.

So, I’m hoping, somebody wants to buy him. Preferably somebody with a large paddock, or maybe a Honda City enthusiast. Those exist... 

I’d put him up, free to a good home - but I work in radio and largely make bad financial decisions. So, I really shouldn’t just "give away" my most valuable asset…

Yeah, no, I know that sounds sad. This little guy is probably the most valuable thing I own (both in real world and sentimental worth). Except, maybe, I don’t know, my kidneys?

I probably don't need to go into too much detail about the love I have for my car…

Okay, okay, maybe a little bit of detail.

We’ve really experienced a lot together.

Countless late night Maccas missions.

Road trips.

It took on the 2017 Splore MUD and didn’t get stuck (unlike all the fancy, rich people cars).

I don’t have the best of driving reputations but I’ve never died or even been in a serious crash in this car.

One time when I was working for Bravo, I pulled up at Real Housewive Anne the Champagne Lady's multi-million-dollar Parnell mansion, to pick up 10k worth of Jacquart Champagne and pack it into the back of my car. I removed the keys from the ignition, got out of my car, closed the door, introduced myself to Anne and shook her hand, all before my car had managed to turn itself off. It just kept kinda shaking and making this weird, angry, grr noise.

Ah. Good times.

In case my emotional/harrowing description thus far hasn’t moved you into buying a slice of the Honda City experience... Below is a list of pros and cons:

- Some rust on body and engine. Not ideal.

- Registered ‘til April though!

- Only two of the four tyres are the same size. Also, very little tread left.

- As previously mentioned, car often emits weird grrring explosive noise and shakes aggressively when it’s turning off. Have been told this might have something to do with the choke? (choke!?) I think this is kind of endearing though, it reminds me of the car equivalent to the noises I make after someone tries to make me exercise.

- If you’re a single lady you could really look at the weird grring noise as a BIG PLUS. Many a friendly (and often hot) car man has approached me while my car is shaking and making unhealthy explosive noises, asking if I need help. So, TOTAL BABE MAGNET.

- At 170K’s, that's kinda low for a car that’s been on this earth as long as I have... right?

- Strange, red light is constantly on on my dash and I’m not sure what that means, but it’s very red and very constant, so I don’t think it’s a good thing.

- Sometimes it seems like the power steering is giving out. But I’ve been told a little bit of steering fluid will probably sort that right out.

- Speaking of steering… My mechanic told me my steering rack COULD give way at any moment. This is v. expenny to replace but he also said that six months ago and NOTHING BAD has actually happened yet.

- Authentic 1990’s sticker decal on the back bit of the car which reminds me of a cool, retro, ski jacket.

- The back break light has unstuck itself from the back window, which makes for a fun disco light situation when driving at night.

- All the door speakers blew after Atrocity Exhibition came out last year and I wanted to drive around everywhere obnoxiously cranking Danny Brown, feeling like a bad ass bitch…

- But there is a bonus pink BOOM BOX in the back that’s connected to the car and still goes hard!

- Also there might not be any cup holders installed in the car... But the boom box has a DIY one. So, you don't have to worry about spillling your Coke in the drive-through. 

GET YOURSELF A CAR WITH A BEAUTIFUL PERSONALITY (AND NOT MUCH ELSE GOING FOR IT). MAKE AN OFFER NOW. ANY ALTERNATIVE IS BETTER THAN CERTAIN DEATH AT WRECKERS.

CONTACT ROISINKELLY@MEDIAWORKS.CO.NZ WITH ANY QUERIES/OFFERS.