Elon Musk is keen to bring back Vine, so we dug up the GOATs
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Elon Musk is keen to bring back Vine, so we dug up the GOATs

God, I missed this stuff.

Last week, the ol' Tesla and Twitter kingpin Elon Musk ran a poll asking if he should bring back Vine. A nice 69% said he should, and we agree. 

Vine, which was owned by Twitter, launched in 2013 and shut down in 2017 - existing for a mere four years. It produced endless six-second clips that cure people’s anxiety, can be quoted from memory, or "slapped people's potatoes", shaping an entirely unique and quite strange sense of humour for a new generation.

Such a legacy deserves to live on. So, Mr Musk, if you do bring Vine back, take into account the following clips that capture its true essence.

The Most Memorable Vines Ever

I’m about to say it…

The pause between “I’m about to say it” and “I don’t care that you break your elbow” feels longer than it is. That’s because all the other aspects increase the tension: Our hero’s threatening stare and finger-point combo, the onlooker’s smirk as he watches the conflict, and the off-screen villains begging their foe to "say it".  

It’s a classroom conflict that we’re all familiar with and has existed since the dawn of time, in all schools in every universe. We all know a student like this one, but only in myths and memories of the greatest lunchtimes do they make a comeback like this one. 

Oh, I’m not allowed to sneeze?!

In all great stories, you can sympathise with both sides. And Ron’s animal-clearing sneeze is such a tale. 

Deers just outside your door, grazing on your grass? Beautiful. To see them leave, and the fear in their eyes? Mortifying. 

But a sneeze? It’s called being human. Ron is no sinner. His sarcastic tone which comes from years of holding back achoos is warranted. He IS allowed to sneeze. 

Walmart Fake Rat

This one’s super relevant to New Zealanders and our supermarkets these days. That noise she makes is just perfect and when you compare it to ‘pranks’ these days, it makes you wonder where we went wrong. 

I’m in me mum’s car

Broom broom! This was an absolute sensation of a vine. A chef’s kiss mixture of complete weirdness and the joke being that the joke is not the joke.

I thought you were American?

This one is a punchline that would work in any age. The childhood naivety of not knowing what a lesbian is combined with it making you realise that a lesbian does sound like a nationality, is unintentional genius. 

Whenever someone mentions an American, this Vine is all I think about. 

Is that a weed?!

This is another early example of Vine being the catalyst for Gen Z’s love of absurdity. So many mega-viral TiKTokers’ content is built on being weird, like Savannah Moss and Grantbeans and friends. 

I think that humour can be traced back to Vines like this one, where a crayon is mistaken for a joint and a microwave works as a phone to call the cops.

Mr Postman

As mentioned, many people were fans of this one and were genuinely touched when news of Mr Postman's passing reached them. 

The vibes of the hangout between the late postman and the kid are just so chill and exude through the screen. Just two bros, generations apart, vibing together less than 5 feet apart and singing a song.

They were roommates

Here we have two characters that couldn’t be more different. A bloke that looks like he’s in the final stages of a big night out that’s stretched into the morning, and a bubbly girl on her morning walk, catching up on the latest gossip. 

When the mystery of who was whose roommate and why they were talking about them was finally revealed last year (it involved fraud and someone fleeing the country), it captured the internet's attention and reminded everyone how much they love OG Vine. 

There are so many more that could have been included here. From ‘suh dude’ to ‘road work ahead’ and a nearly dropped croissant to ‘oova javer’, the fact that those nonsense words mean anything shows that Vine never really died. 

Watching all these, you realise the internet’s innocence during this time. There was no format for a viral video, so the content varied. We just wanted to laugh and make people laugh. There was no drama, clickbait or selling stuff. The only transaction was six seconds = one smile.