Science has the same stance on drinking and hangovers as religious schools have on sex and sex education - the only way to stop bad things from happening is by not doing it. A quick Google search for the best hangover cure comes up with "don’t drink", which is probably good advice, but c’mon.
This sparked the curiosity in me. There must be a hangover cure, if not a 100% fix, a fix that is the best.
I’ve gone around the George office and gathered a wide range of answers to the question, “what is your go-to hangover cure?”.
One of these is bound to work... right?
Drink more water is always great advice.
Your mum told you this when you first started drinking beers unattended and she was right. If there is a scientific answer to this age-old question, it’s good old H20.
Hangovers are caused by dehydration in your brain. If you drink a shit ton of water before you go to sleep, you’ll probably feel better than if you don’t. You should drink even more in the morning.
Aside from drinking water, some people suggested covering yourself in it. Hopping in a hot, steamy shower was suggested, as was an ice-cold shower. Don’t be afraid to sit down in the shower, knees to your chin and arms around the kneecaps and then just let it all out as well. A shower cry can fix many things.
Salt water can also help. For those rough summer mornings getting up and going for a swim can replace the dust with sea salt.
Trip To The Dairy
The Kiwi classic cure for a cracking headache can only be crafted spending coin at the corner - a blue Powerade and a pie, preferably a Steak and Cheese or a Mince and Cheese but ultimately up to you, ya little dust mite.
My personal go-to dairy hangover cure is some proper pulpy OJ - OJ is a killer, especially when it comes to dustiness.
Coconut Water, Sprite in a can (has to be a can) and chocolate milk were other redairy available drinks that were suggested.
Other dairy suggestions were Powerade with no pie, sour lollies, and even a bag of salted chips.
Someone also said no food whatsoever, coming from the understandable yet unrelatable stance of not being able to stomach anything when one is feeling how hard they went the night before.
If You’re Cooked, Cook Some Food
These next ones take a little more effort, which can be a big ask when truly, desperately, nihilistically hungover, however, people vouched by these cures by far the most.
My boss Mon vouches by this custom Maccas order which will now be deemed the McMon. McChicken combo w/ diet coke for a drink; extra cheese is ESSENTIAL; as is the extra sweet and sour sauce. Smother the fries in the sweet and sour sauce and then insert the fries into the burger before chowing down. Wash down with the prior mentioned diet coke.
Bacon and Eggs came up multiple times. I suggest the ol’ Bacon and Egg on a bagel, with some spinach and cheese Chuck some chilli powder on the eggs while they are cooking if you are a normal human and can handle spice.
Speaking of spice, one website (and many coworkers) says spicy food is great for when you are hungover, that website is happyspicyhour.com (no bias). They state that “spicy food contains capsaicin, which activates the brain to release endorphins,” which sounds awesome.
They also say that when eating spicy food you focus on how hot your mouth is which distracts you from how dusty you are. Following that logic, you might as well have someone drive a bus into your knee so you focus on that pain rather than the dustiness.
Hey, if you cbf cooking, just watch people cooking stuff. I don't know how this works, but it definitely works for me when I'm too hungover to get out of bed.
Ballsy Hangover Cures
These next few cures are ones that got an instant ‘really?’ reaction out of me when they were said to me. I reacted like that because I thought that there was no way anyone would actually do that when hungover.
But then I remember that someone once said “the search for happiness is in itself an unhappy process” and thought that perhaps I should try to do the things that will make me feel dustier, in order to be less dusty.
The first was exercise.
Hitting the gym or going on a run are, no word of a lie, the last things I want to do on a Sunday morning after having too much the night before. But maybe sweat contains dust particles and getting a workout in will mean no more dustiness.
A combo of egg yolk and a shot of vodka was suggested by some bloke who just walked into the office so who knows if he’s capping or not? But doesn’t it sound like something that would work?
Another coworker also said just go outside and breathe big heavy breaths. I say just go outside and have a tac-yac.
Himalayan Rock Salt was also suggested. Mix it up with some water, lemon juice, and some sugar and you might just be feeling tip-top once again.
There's also the face in a bowl of ice water trick that a ton of people swear by on TikTok - but I don't trust people on TikTok.
Look mate, if you’ve made it this far down the article you may as well give one of these a go because you must be diabolically dusty.