The Olympic Games have long been the way to discover the incredible capabilities of the human body. It’s well known that they strictly prohibit the use of performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs), but now, a brand new sporting event on the scene is opening the playing field and allowing athletes to compete using enhancements.
Created by a coalition of Olympic athletes, doctors and scientists, the Enhanced Games will be the first international sporting event to be chill with the use of PEDs. They value embracing science and want to see just how fast we can really run and how high we can really jump.
“We believe that science is real and has an important place in supporting human flourishing,” said Dr Aro D’Souza, the President of the Enhanced Games., in a press release. “There is no better way to highlight the centrality of science in our modern world than in elite sports.”
"We all know that the use of performance enhancements in sports is an open secret. The safest way to level the playing field is to allow athletes to openly use science to achieve their full potential," said D'Souza.
I had a trawl through their website and by God, they despise the Olympics, believing it is “rife with corruption and hypocrisy” and “oppresses athletes”.
They also paint the President of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) as a greedy villain who makes a shit ton of money while many Olympians “are forced to live in cars, take up side jobs, and choose between eating and racking up credit card debt.”
All this reeks the same scent as LIV Golf, the golf tour funded by Saudi money set up to rival the long-established top golf tournament PGA Tour.
LIV offered premier golfers ridiculous amounts of money, something Enhanced Games probably won’t be able to do, but it also presented a far more fun golfing experience to fans (see the LIV party hole), which is exactly what Enhanced is offering.
LIV and PGA ended up merging together in a move that gobsmacked golfers globally. Importantly in this context, it means a new, less traditional rival league posed a legitimate threat to one absolutely ingrained in the sport.
Whether the Olympics will find the Enhanced Games just as threatening remains to be seen.
All I do know is I can’t wait to see six motherfuckers injected with every performance enhancer in existence sprinting for 400 metres and quite possibly breaking the sound barrier.