Cocaine was found in the White House this past week, marking a very early arrival of snow in the United States of America.
During a routine search, the bag of coke was found in a cubby hole in an area of the West Wing where visitors to the building are screened by security.
The cubby holes are typically used to store phones, so someone probably realised ‘Oh shit, I’ve got a bag of blow on me and I’m in the White House’ and chucked the cocaine in before security found it. That’s my theory anyway.
President Joe Biden’s (or should I say Snow Biden’s) Secret Service is investigating the rogue white rock. However, a source told The New York Times there’s a fat chance the blow’s owner is uncovered as “the area is frequented so often by so many groups of people”.
If you’re wondering if the President himself delved in some dust before disposing of it in a place where it could’ve been anyone’s, he didn’t.
Joe and his wife Jill were taking a break at Camp David when the coke was found. Camp David is a 125-acre country retreat in Maryland owned by the Department of Defense and used as a presidential retreat. So surely that would be a better place to have a bender - not that we're suggesting Joey indulges in that kind of thing.
After the visit to the retreat, Joe was back in the Oval Office for a meeting with the Swedish prime minister. Once the meeting concluded all the reporters present yelled a bunch of questions at the President, one of which was regarding the cocaine.
Joe didn’t respond to any questions verbally thrown his way. Instead, he smiled and gave a kind of ‘what are you gonna do?’ gesture to the Swedish PM as the reporters were yelling over each other.
Many Twitter critics of Joe have taken this to be a smug admission of guilt. I’m still going with the random person thinking ‘oh shit I’m in the White House with a bag of coke’ theory.